


Seven Years, One Train

by lyinglikebreathing



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-15
Updated: 2019-05-06
Packaged: 2019-06-27 15:04:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,850
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15687852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lyinglikebreathing/pseuds/lyinglikebreathing
Summary: The Marauders' lives, told through seven train rides. Featuring chocolate frogs, Marauder-ly shenanigans, oblivious boys in love, and the occasional feeling or two.





	1. First Year

His first impression upon running through the brick wall was that platform 9 ¾ was _loud_. The second, was that it was _busy_. Like, really busy. 

Remus pushed his trolley as carefully as he could through the crowds, apologizing every few steps when he inevitably bumped into a body or a trunk. He could barely see over his things, but he figured it didn’t matter; there were so many people, he didn’t have a chance of avoiding them even if he _could_ see. 

When he finally reached the train he climbed on board with near-palpable relief and quickly stashed his trunks away, although he kept his briefcase by his side as he found an empty compartment at the back of the train. He’d packed some books to keep him company on the trip, and he suspected they would be the only company he had.

He should have been happier - should have been ecstatic, really - this was a second chance that nobody thought he would get, as his mother was not shy to remind him. But when the initial shock and joy had faded, the reality of his situation had slowly dawned on him. He was going to be alone, in a strange school, with stranger people. Or maybe he was the strange one. A werewolf, going to a school where his kind have never been permitted, and for good reason. 

He was a danger to all of the students on this train, no matter what Albus Dumbledore said.

He leaned his head against the window and looked out at the platform. There were still families arriving, joining the crowds of parents and younger siblings waving goodbye. The younger children were invariably jumping up and down, eager to be the ones on the train themselves.

There were more students in the corridor, looking for available seats. He moved his briefcase so it took up the seat next to him and turned his body firmly away from the door. Any sane person that looked into this compartment should be able to tell that he wanted to be left alone.

“Come on, in here!”

The compartment door flew open with a bang that made Remus wince and two boys stumbled in through the narrow opening. They froze when they saw him, and for a moment they just stood there, stuck half in and half out of the compartment. Remus half-expected them to apologize and back away, to search for some other compartment that wasn’t already taken by a sickly kid with a scar on his face, when the taller boy with glasses spoke.

“Hey, mind if we sit?”

Remus blinked and, before his higher cognitive processes returned to him and he remembered why he wanted to be left alone, slowly nodded.

“Great,” glasses-boy said with a grin. He managed to slide himself out of the space between the door and the other boy’s body and flopped down onto the seat across of Remus, smile never wavering. The other boy followed and took the seat next to him, grey eyes watching Remus. Remus looked away.

“I’m James. James Potter.” Glasses-boy - James - extended his hand and Remus shook it, silently praying that they weren’t too sweaty.

“Sirius,” the other boy said, by way of greeting. He didn’t offer his last name, or his hand, and neither did Remus.

“I’m Remus,” he said quietly, belatedly realizing he hadn’t introduced himself.

They sat in silence for a few seconds that felt like hours, magnified by James’ anxious squirming and Sirius’ stillness - which really wasn’t all that different from Remus’, except it had the unique quality of seeming almost sullen, while he was sure that all he looked like was socially incompetent. Which wouldn’t be inaccurate. At all.

The oppressive silence was broken by the sound of a trolley being rolled towards them, and when the door slid open to reveal a friendly looking witch with a cart full of sweets, Remus was fairly certain he had never been more grateful to see anybody in his entire life.

Across from him, Sirius looked up at the noise, and for the first time since the two boys had joined him - which was to say, 2 minutes that felt conservatively like 2 lifetimes ago - something came to life behind those grey eyes, like flint suddenly striking steel. 

In later years he would learn to dread that look, but in this moment all it did was fill him with a contagious, unexplainable warmth that made his lips curve upwards in a motion that mirrored his.

“Would you boys like anything?”, the trolley witch asked, with a cheerful lilt to her voice even though she’d probably been repeating slight variations of that phrase for the past 20-30 minutes.

“Yes,” Sirius answered, at the same time that James called out “Yes please!”.

“Alright, what would you like? I’ve got cauldron cakes, fizzing whizbees, peppermint toads, sugar quills, treacle fudge, pixie puffs,-”

A bulging pouch of coins shoved abruptly in her face cut her off, and she blinked owlishly at it. 

“We’ll take it all,” said Sirius, who was attached to the hand holding the pouch.

“I- all of it?” she asked, still staring at the pouch, and then at the eleven year old holding it.

“Yes. We’re your last customers, aren’t we?” Sirius asked, as if he thought that was the primary concern on the witch’s mind. 

“Well- I- yes… but- will your parents mind?” 

Sirius’ grip tightened on the pouch, and his face hardened in a way that an eleven year old’s shouldn’t be able to. It reminded Remus of his own face, when he looked in the mirror.

“No,” he said, in a tone that didn’t allow for argument. “I have more,” he added, as if that solved everything.

“Okay, well… I’ll just leave the trolley here then.” The witch took the pouch carefully from Sirius’ hand and backed out of the compartment with a final parting glance at Remus that managed to convey all of the appropriate confusion and concern that one should have when nonchalantly handed a tiny fortune by an eleven year old. 

The spark of whatever it was that had been in Sirius had disappeared at the mention of his parents, but if James noticed he didn’t show it. Instead, he let out a cackle and a whoop and promptly threw himself at the trolley, sending treats flying haphazardly.

Something passed over Sirius’ face, like a dark thundercloud making its way across already grey skies, but it was gone as quickly as it had appeared, and soon Sirius was digging in alongside James.

“Come on, Remus,” James encouraged. “What are you waiting for?”

 _An invitation,_ he thinks. Or maybe that wasn’t it at all. Maybe he was actually waiting to be told _no_ , for these two boys to come to their senses and think, _what the hell are we doing with **him**?_

“Come on, what do you like? I’ll find it for you.” James was picking boxes up at random and tossing them in Remus’ direction, eyes occasionally flicking upwards to see if anything caught his attention.

“Are there any chocolate frogs?” he asked, finally reaching forward to poke around at the boxes himself.

“Ahh, let me check.” James bent over to check the bottom of the trolley, and emerged a few moments later. “I don’t see anything. Sorry mate.”

“I have one.” Sirius handed him the gold and purple box, packaging peeled back a bit at the corner, as if he had just been about to open it. Remus hesitated, and Sirius pushed it closer towards him.

“Take it. I prefer cauldrons anyway.”

He took it gratefully, muttering a quiet “thanks”.

“Ooh, what card did you get?” James was bouncing as much as he could in the space between Sirius and the trolley, eyes focused on the box in his hand. He opened it carefully, taking the corner that was already peeled back and pulling it away to reveal the card underneath. James gasped.

“No way! You got Godric Gryffindor?! He’s the only Hogwarts founder I don’t have!”

James grabbed the card from Remus’ hand and gawked at it, turning it this way and that and watching the animated figure with awestruck wonder in his eyes. Sirius was watching the taller boy with a fond, if rather bemused look, and as he turned his eyes met Remus and his lips quirked upwards in an echo of his previous grin. 

“Keep it,” Remus said. James’ head snapped up and he stared at Remus as if he was offering him all of the gold in Gringotts. 

“Seriously?”

Remus shrugged. “Sure. I don’t mind - if you want it for your collection, it’s yours.”

An ear-splitting grin spread across the boy’s face. “Thanks Remus! You’re the best!”

Remus flushed at those words, but James was already turning to Sirius, showing him the card and simultaneously managing to recite Godric Gryffindor's life story, squealing lightly when the card spoke.

Remus settled back against the wall and watched the two boys that had literally stumbled into his life, letting his body sway back and forth with the rocking of the train. 

Suddenly, spending the next year in a foreign school filled with strangers didn’t seem so bad.


	2. Second Year

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Who would have guessed that second year would be even more nerve-wracking than the first? 
> 
> Remus did. Remus guessed it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit of a shorter chapter this time, but chocolate frogs play an extra big role ;)
> 
> Don't forget to leave a comment!

Second year started with a persistent sense of deja vu. 

The train platform was just as busy as it had been last year, even though everything else had changed. Or so he told himself.

This time, when he got on the train he put his briefcase with the rest of his baggage. He headed for the same compartment at the back of the train and breathed a sigh of relief when he found it empty, even as a weight settled at the bottom of his stomach at the sight.

Now there was no excuse. No lie he can tell himself if - when? - James and Sirius and Peter don’t show up and instead find another compartment at the front of the train, one that isn’t taken by a too-quiet boy with scars, one where the trolley can actually get to them before all the chocolate frogs are gone.

He suddenly wished he had his briefcase with him, so he could flip open one of his books and escape from this tiny compartment and his suffocating thoughts for a little while, just to distract himself for a few minutes as he waited for them to show up. They were going to show up, he knew it.

Ten minutes passed. Then twenty.

What had he been thinking?

The last year had been amazing, and he’d had the time of his life, but that was all it had been, one year. He was a fool not to have seen it, to blindly go with the flow when he should have been grabbing at the golden moments every chance he had, the way a squirrel stored away nuts for the coming winter. But now autumn was over, and all he had to show for it was an empty hole in his tree, in his chest.

He closed his eyes and wished the train would start moving, but memories of the last year refused to leave him, wearing him down and breaking through his cloud of self-pity, making him think of the three people he wanted nothing more than to forget.

James Potter, who had gushed about Godric Gryffindor’s chocolate frog card for half of the ride to Hogwarts and who had turned out to be just as enthusiastic about the house that took his name. Sirius Black, who had carefully neglected to mention those last five letters during their first meeting, unaware that the omission told Remus ten times more than his last name ever could. Peter Pettigrew, the short, shy boy they had found during the sorting ceremony, who had seemed like an odd fit for the bright and vivid Gryffindor colours, but who had turned out to be brave and daring in his own unique way, even if it wasn’t as bold and showy as James and Sirius’ fiery courage.

The three best friends he had ever had, and was probably ever going to have. Or maybe he was lying to himself. How close could they be after all, when Remus had been lying to them every month for the past year? 

_Bang._

“Sorry!” Little purple boxes fell onto the floor of the compartment and three boys followed, arms full of chocolate frogs. Occasionally, one or two fell out of their arms and joined their fallen brethren on the floor.

James smiled sheepishly. “Sorry,” he repeated.

“We went to find the trolley witch so we could get some chocolate frogs for you, before everybody else bought them, but we drastically overestimated the amount we could carry,” Sirius explained with a matching grin, though it didn’t seem quite as sheepish.

_For you. So we could get some chocolate frogs for you._ Merlin, the school year hadn’t even really started yet and it already felt like he was getting everything wrong. 

“You alright Remus?” asked Peter, who was easily the most perceptive of the three. Not because he was particularly observant, but because James and Sirius were both spectacularly oblivious. 

_Oh no, I was just worried that you guys had realized that you can do better and left me because, well come on, just look at you guys, look at James, with his natural athleticism and charm, and at Sirius, who always knows what to say, whether it’s to Professor McGonagall to get her to smile even when she’s about to give us detention or to the 3rd year Ravenclaw student that keeps staring at him in the dining hall, why would any of you want to hang out with me, it makes no sense, but hey, you’re here now, so I guess it’s all good._

“Yeah, just tired I guess,” he said instead.

“Well come on, chocolate will cheer you up,” James said, dumping half of his boxes into Remus’ lap. Sirius promptly emptied his arms into James’, causing more of the boxes to fall at their feet. The hardwood floor was quickly becoming a mass graveyard. Peter was still standing with his arms full by the door.

Maybe it was the amphibious casualties that had built up on the floor, or James struggling not to spill anymore while Sirius stood next to him, arms empty and doing nothing to help, or the sight of Peter standing off to the side, a single lonely frog slipping from his grip every now and then. Maybe it was all of that playing out in this little rectangular world of theirs. Maybe he had finally snapped. But whatever it was, it had him shaking with laughter, which predictably caused the frogs in his lap to fall, which prompted another round of shaking laughter. It was an inescapable feedback loop, and probably terrifying to watch.

The others were, in fact, watching him with wide eyes, although they looked more confused than terrified, and in that brief moment of distraction there was a sudden spike in frog deaths. Remus swiftly succumbed to a fresh round of laughter.

James started laughing too, suddenly, and Sirius soon joined in. The rest of the frogs fell forgotten onto the ground and they lost themselves in their laughter, laughing at the frogs, at laughter, at each other, with each other. Laughing at the world and with it, because in that moment the world was contained in this 5x5 compartment, and every single soul in this world was contained in the four of them.


	3. Third Year

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Secrets abound, and Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Beans make a guest appearance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As usual, comments are always appreciated!

This time, there was no hesitation at all when he made his way to the back of the train. His briefcase went with the rest of his luggage, and he headed for their compartment, which of course was always empt-

“Hey Rem. Getting a little slow, aren’t we?”

James Potter pushed his glasses up his nose and flashed the biggest shit-eating grin Remus had ever seen.

“What are you doing here?”

“Surprising one of my best mates, of course.”

“And Sirius?”

James shrugged. “He’ll find his way. Pete too, for that matter. He might get lost sometimes at Hogwarts, but the train platform shouldn’t be too much to handle. Especially in third year.”

“Well, neither should Hogwarts.”

James grinned in that particular way of his, that somehow made it seem like he was laughing with you, but not at the person who was the subject of the joke. The Switzerland of laughs.

“To be fair, the walls do _move_.”

Remus chuckled. “Yes, yes I suppose they do.”

James leaned forward, beckoning to Remus as if about to share a secret. Superfluous, seeing as they were alone, but he did always have a tendency towards the dramatic.

“You know what we need?”

Remus tilted his head in a way that James - and Sirius - could always be relied on to take as an inquiry. 

“We need a map. Like a magical one, one that’s charmed to reveal all of the passageways in the castle, even the hidden ones. Just think about it, think of what we could do with something like that! It would be the ultimate mischief-making aid.” James leaned back against the seat, grin wider than ever. “And imagine, imagine if we could charm it to tell us the locations of all of the other students, the _professors_ , at any given time. No more worrying about Filch, or McGonagall, no need to stress over lookouts. All we’d need is the map, and we’ll never get caught again! It’s brilliant!”

Remus laughed, shaking his head. “It’s only brilliant if you can make it happen, you clod.”

“Well why can’t we? Come on Remus, between you, me, Sirius, and Pete, we could pull it off, I know it! Just think about it, you’re at the top of almost all of your classes, Sirius is a bloody genius at charms, and I, of course, excel at everything I want to do!”

“Except modesty, it would seem.”

James punched him good-naturedly in the arm, still grinning all the while. “Oh sod off, you just wait. Sirius will agree with me, that’ll show you.”

“Sirius also agreed with you when you suggested breaking into McGonagall’s office, and all that proved was that she really _does_ know everything.”

“Hey, now that was _one_ incident in _hundreds_ , there were plenty of times when we were right too.”

“Oh, I think _plenty_ is overselling it a bit.”

James shook his head, laughing. “Remus Lupin, you’re really the best liar of us all, aren’t you? You’ve got all the professors fooled, thinking you’re the _sensible_ one, that you’re just _reluctantly_ along for the ride, when half the time it’s you at the bloody helm.”

Remus smiled back, unable to resist. It was contagious, James Potter’s happiness. And there was so much of it, there always seemed to be more than enough to go around.

The sound of the door sliding open interrupted them before Remus could voice any response, and James turned eagerly to greet their newcomer.

“Pete! Wait ‘til you hear my new idea-”

The words died on James’ lips as Sirius Black came into view, and for the first time since Remus walked into the compartment, James’ smile disappeared.

“It’s fine,” Sirius said to a gaping James and a silent Remus.

Fine. Such an oddly flexible word. It was the same word Remus used after a full moon, whenever the boys noticed that he was more tired than usual, or limping slightly when they walked to class. And apparently now “fine” meant red rings around Sirius’ eyes, cheekbones that stood out too sharply against pale skin, and a smile that didn’t even come within earshot of his eyes.

“He refuses to tell me anything except that-”

“It’s just my family, no big deal,” Sirius finished for Peter.

James broke into a sudden coughing fit that had him hunching over in his seat and Peter and Sirius glancing at him in concern.

“Fine? _No big deal?_ Sirius are you bloody mad?!”

“James-”

“No, don’t ‘James’ me, Remus, look at him!” He turned to Sirius with an almost desperate look in his eyes, like a drowning man staring at his last possible hope, as if he was the one who had been hurt, and was looking to Sirius for help. But then again, Remus supposed, in a way he kind of was.

“Why didn’t you tell me? You wrote to me to convince me to get here half an hour earlier than usual but couldn’t bother to pick up a quill and parchment to tell me that your parents have been beating you?”

“Wait, you planned that together?”

“Yes of course we planned that together, he’s the one who came up with the bloody idea! Said he didn’t want you to have to sit here by yourself, waiting for us!”

Remus fell silent at that, and Sirius kicked at some invisible speck on the floor. Peter was watching the altercation with wide eyes. He looked scared out of his skin, and quite frankly Remus couldn’t blame him.

Sirius cleared his throat, still looking down at the ground. “They didn’t really _beat_ me-”

“Then why don’t you stop tugging at your sleeve and show us your arm?”

Remus glanced up in surprise, just in time to catch the aborted motion.

“Sirius-”

“It’s nothing, alright?” Sirius snapped, head whipping up to glare at Remus, who refused to look away. Not this time. “There’s nothing you can do, so just drop it!”

The sound of the trolley rolling towards them silenced James’ no doubt scathing remark, and the trolley witch popped her head in, cheerfully (and perhaps a bit forcefully) oblivious to the tension in the room.

“James, do you think maybe we could do this while we eat-”

“No, Peter, I don’t want to ea-”

“Actually, I wouldn’t mind some Every Flavour Beans right now,” Sirius interrupted quietly.

James stopped mid-word and shoved his hands into his pockets, pulling out two handfuls of assorted coins.

“Here,” he said, tossing them onto the trolley. “You heard him.”

Matilda - the name of the trolley witch, as they’d learned - didn’t even blink twice, grabbing 7 boxes of Bertie Bott’s Every Flavour Beans and tossing in a few chocolate frogs as well.

“Oh, um, I’m not sure we’ve paid enough for all that,” Remus said. Matilda waved his protests away with a smile.

“Hush now, my dear, I know what I’m doing. You boys just enjoy yourselves, alright?” She left the compartment as cheerfully as she’d entered it, with a little flutter of her hand.

Sirius waited for the door to close behind her before speaking. “James, I-“

“Food first, explanation later,” James interrupted, opening one of the boxes and shoving it at Sirius.

Sirius obeyed, for once, without protest.

The topic of Sirius’ bruises didn’t come up again, as the three boys decided unanimously that it was better, in the moment at least, to just help him forget. The issue no doubt needed to be addressed, but there would be time to bring it up again. Later, as James had said.

For now, they steered the conversation towards safer territory, which inevitably led to James pitching his idea for a magical, mischief-making map. Which Sirius, predictably, eagerly agreed to as soon as the words “mischief aid” came out of James’ mouth. Peter, who wasn’t quite as prone to flights of fancy as James and Sirius but who was easily swept away by their colourful visions, hesitated at first, timidly voicing his doubts, but James was able to persuade him with almost despairing ease.

Eventually, Sirius’ smiles stopped looking so forced, and he started laughing along with James in earnest. The rings under his eyes seemed to disappear when he laughed, and when his mouth was full of jelly beans Remus could almost overlook the hollowness of his cheeks.

Almost. But it was enough.

He would make it better though, he promised himself. He had been so preoccupied with his own troubles the past two years that it hadn’t even occurred to him that his friends may have secrets of their own. Even if they were different secrets - complete opposites, really; Sirius had been hiding the fact that his parents were monsters, while Remus _was_ the monster he had to keep hidden - it still gave him a tiny flicker of hope. 

Maybe, if they could forgive Sirius for his secret, the rest of the boys could find it in them to forgive Remus too.


	4. Fourth Year

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everybody who's left kudos or comments so far!

This time, there were two boys sitting in the compartment when he walked in. 

James Potter and Sirius Black looked up with matching grins when he walked in, conversation halting abruptly. He knew those grins.

“What?”

“Nothing,” the two boys said in tandem. Nothing good ever happened when Sirius and James acted in unison.

He rolled his eyes, but sat down without further comment. Whatever James and Sirius were planning, they would do with or without his consent - which was already given far too often - and truth be told he had other things on his mind.

A conversation that he’d had with Lily last year kept nagging at him; it had occupied his thoughts for a good half of the summer, and he’d just been thinking that he had finally gotten it out of his head for good, but seeing Sirius seemed to be enough to jolt him back to that conversation outside of Honeydukes in the late spring air.

_“You know he’d do anything for you.”_

_Remus looked up from his chocolate frog card - Bertie Bott, James already had him. Maybe he’d give it to Sirius, he’d always held a strange fascination towards the wizard - with his brow furrowed in confusion. “Who?”_

_“Black.” Remus’ confusion deepened. “Really,” Lily continued. “He’d jump out of the Hogwarts Express if you asked, probably.”_

_“Sirius would jump out of the Hogwarts Express for fun, Lily.”_

_She shrugged, wrapping her scarf tighter around her neck. It was uncommonly brisk, for this time of the year. “Maybe. But he’d do it for you too.”_

Now, he wasn’t usually in the habit of doubting Lily Evans, but this was … not a usual case. It was nothing, of course. Lily didn’t know what she was talking about. Lily was an expert on many things, but Sirius Black was not - and likely never would be - one of them. Even Sirius wasn’t an expert on Sirius.

It didn’t keep his heart from trying to leap out his throat whenever he looked at Sirius though.

Sirius whispered something in James’ ear that caused him to burst out laughing, and suddenly there was a different reason for the butterflies in his stomach. He sighed.

“Boys, I understand this may seem like a strange request, but I’d appreciate if you could refrain from earning us detention the first week back.”

“Forget that, how are _you_?”

The question caught Remus off guard and he quickly tried to think of anything unusual that could prompt this sudden concern. “Me?”

Sirius nodded. “Over the summer. You know, with your… your little…”

“Furry little problem!”

Remus and Sirius turned simultaneously to look at James, who had an inappropriately wide grin on his face. 

“What? We’ll need a codename for your condition, obviously, unless you want to go around announcing it to anybody who happens to overhear. Which will probably be a lot of people, seeing as Sirius doesn’t know any form of verbal communication that doesn’t travel throughout half of Hogwarts-”

“Oi, now wait a minute, _I’m_ too loud?”

“Hold up,” Remus interrupted, before the situation could escalate, “ _little_ problem?”

“Okay, well obviously it isn’t really _little_ ,” James conceded - next to him, Sirius muttered a quiet “you don’t say” under his breath - “but ‘furry _little_ problem’ sounds a lot less conspicuous than ‘furry _potentially life-threatening and kind of illegal_ problem.”

The door slid open and James grinned.

“Pete! Just the man I wanted to see. Tell me, when I say ‘furry little problem’, what pops into your head?”

Poor Peter, who had barely gotten a foot in the compartment, looked around with bewilderment. “Uh, I’m not sure, a rabbit maybe? Like, a misbehaving pet, or something like that.”

“See?” James declared triumphantly, oblivious to Peter’s confusion. Remus shook his head at Peter, a gesture that the other boy knew to mean ‘don’t worry, nobody’s died yet’. 

“Inconspicuous! Less dramatic, but such is the price of subtlety.”

“And what would you know about subtlety?”

“More than you do, Black.”

“Really? Well why don’t we just ask Evans that, shall we?”

James gave an indignant squawk at the mention of Lily, and Peter took the opportunity to quietly slip into the spot next to Remus, careful to avoid the flailing limbs and escalating conflict across from them.

“You know it’s true-”

“Sirius, don’t encourage him-”

“Well it’s not my fault if he can’t accept the cold hard truth-”

“You don’t know what you’re saying, Black-”

Remus sighed. It occurred to him, not for the first time, that somewhere in the three years he had known the other boys he had somehow become the responsible one in their little group. He still wasn’t sure how, or why. But it was times like these that he just wanted to sit back and sort of… watch. Like a parent who had already watched their child hit their head so many times they were no longer worried. Or maybe an older brother who just wanted to see their sibling screw up. Who even knew, at this point.

“Hey, you okay?” It was Peter’s voice, soft as ever. The other boy had long since developed a similar habit of ignoring Sirius and James when they were like this, although Remus suspected it was for different reasons.

“Yeah. It wasn’t that bad this time, don’t worry.”

“Boys!”

Four pairs of eyes turned to the door and the angry witch standing in the middle of it. “Is this how you treat each other when you’re alone?”

“Sorry,” James said, at the same time that Sirius muttered a “no ma’am”.

“Good. Now, what do you boys want?”

As always, their troubles disappeared at the sight of the trolley of sweets. Remus leaned back to watch as the boys attacked the cart with a vigor usually reserved for the Quidditch pitch. He felt curiously light. For once, there were no walls between them; just open doors, clear windows, and little rooms in the house they’d built together. No secrets. They were translucent, incandescent, untouchable.

“What are you grinning about?”

Sirius was squinting at him from across the aisle, a look of suspicion alight in his eyes.

“Nothing.”

Sirius looked far from convinced, but slowly, hesitantly re-joined James in his pillaging. Peter, on the other hand, suddenly looked up from the messy mound of treats, chocolate stopping midway to his mouth.

“Hey, did you guys tell him about the prank you have planned for-”

_“Shh!”_ James and Sirius’ shushing was instantaneous and emphatic, and Peter quickly shut his mouth - although not without stuffing it with more chocolate first. Okay, so maybe they still had _some_ secrets. He still felt invincible though. 

At least, until McGonagall inevitably busted them for doing… whatever Sirius and James were planning on doing.

But until then - invincible.


	5. Fifth Year

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I'm alive! Sorry for the long wait, and thank you to everyone who commented and stuck around!

“I still can’t believe you’re a prefect!”

Remus shook his head, but couldn’t help smiling at James. This was the third time he had said this in the span of ten minutes, but he could hardly hold it against him - he hadn’t quite believed it himself when he’d heard. 

Sirius, on the other hand…

“I always knew our Moony had it in him.” Remus flushed at the words, and the smile that Sirius directed at him. Always at that smile.

“Okay, but still! Prefect!” Sirius rolled his eyes, even though he was grinning like an idiot himself. 

“Yes, we get it. We heard you the first three times.”

“Prefect!”

“Yes-”

“Our Moony!”

“Merlin’s beard-”

Sirius tackled James before he could open his mouth again, and the two of them fell in a heap onto the floor, with Sirius landing on top of James in a noisy collision of knees and elbows.

“Get off, no, wait - watch the mane!”

Sirius laughed even as James flipped them around and straddled his hips, pausing their brawl to carefully fix his hair.

“There, is that better?” he asked no one in particular.

Remus shrugged - as far as he was concerned, James had only succeeded in making it worse - and Sirius was still laughing far too hard to care.

“Oi, come on Prongs, go fix your hair somewhere else!” Sirius shoved James to the side with another laugh and stumbled up, taking the seat next to Remus. Peter joined them just as James took his seat and paused to glance at the new seating arrangement with a confused frown.

“What did I miss?”

“Moony’s a bloody prefect!” James half-shouted, before Remus could even say anything himself.

“Oh.” James seemed to be waiting for Peter to faint from surprise or drop to the ground in hysterics and was staring at him with open-mouthed anticipation, to which Peter returned a worried look of confusion before turning to Remus. “Well, congratulations! I mean, I always figured you would be-”

Peter was interrupted by Sirius, who reached across the aisle to kick James in the shin.

“See? Even Pete expected it!”

James gave a yelp of pain before protesting indignantly. “Hey! Just because I’m the only one who didn’t see it coming doesn’t mean - besides, what do you mean _even Pete_?”

Peter was frowning at Sirius from his spot next to James. “Yeah, what do you mean ‘even Pete’?”

Sirius shrugged. “You know, it’s just that you’re not usually right about these sorts of things.”

Peter’s frown deepened. “What sorts of things?”

Sirius shrugged again, a small smile pulling at the corner of his lips. “Everything.”

Peter’s jaw tightened, and Remus nudged Sirius gently with his knee. Across the aisle, James finally picked up on the tension brewing between the two.

“Right, because you’re so perceptive yourself,” James said with a tight laugh and a soft kick at Sirius. Sirius rolled his eyes, but stayed silent. Peter was staring resolutely at the ground, jaw clenched tightly enough that Remus worried he might crack a tooth. 

James caught his eye and he shrugged helplessly. It was well known and accepted that Sirius didn’t always think before he spoke, and there had always been times when his upbringing shone through the new identity he had crafted for himself. But the moments were few and far between, and Remus and James forgave him for them; Peter, sometimes, did not. Which, Remus supposed, was to be expected. The smaller boy was on the butt end of Sirius’ jokes more often than Remus and James put together.

Once, James had accused Sirius of singling Peter out because of his blood status. Sirius had refused to speak to him for a solid week after that. It was the first big fight that Sirius and James had ever had, and it wasn’t one that either had mentioned ever again. 

“So what do you have to do as prefect anyways?”

“Well, you know, I’ll be given some additional responsibilities and authority around the castle, there’ll be meetings to attend, events to help organize… I’ll be helping the first years around, making sure they know where they’re going. Don’t want a repeat of what happened with Brandon Foley and the staircase… and I’ll have some extra duties here and there.”

Identical looks of concern passed over Sirius and James’ faces at the mention of responsibility, and they exchanged a glance that Remus imagined they thought was subtle.

“So…”

“Does that mean…”

They trailed off, seemingly uncertain of how to proceed. Remus considered letting them struggle on themselves, but after a moment decided mercifully to put them out of their misery.

“Yes, I’ll still help you with your pranks.”

Sirius let out a deep breath and James broke into a wide grin. 

“Thank Merlin,” James laughed.

“So when you say ‘additional authority’,” Sirius started, “what does that mean exactly?” Out of the corner of his eye, Remus saw James lean forward.

“No no no no, no. Stop right there. I’ll keep mischief-making, but I won’t abuse my title as a prefect, is that clear? This is a job I take seriously - not a word, Sirius - and I’m not going to treat it as a joke.”

Sirius was smiling. “Alright. Whatever you say, Mr. Prefect.”

Meanwhile, James was grinning at the two of them like a proud mother hen.

“Aw, look at our Moony, all grown up!”

“You wouldn’t know ‘grown up’ if it sat on your face, Prongs.”

“Well, Moony’s welcome to test that theory if he wants-” 

James was interrupted by Sirius’ boot coming into contact with his shin. Hard.

“Ow!”

“Sod off, Potter.”

“Come on, Remus doesn’t mind, does he?”

Remus shook his head slowly. “See?”

Sirius was still glaring daggers at James. If looks could kill, Sirius’ would have been more potent than _avada kedavra_.

“Whatever,” was Sirius’ eloquent response.

“Something bothering you, Black?”

Remus glanced up at Peter in surprise. He had his eyes narrowed at Sirius, lips pressed into a thin white line. There was something about his voice, about the way he said the name “Black” that had Remus sitting up straighter, fists clenched like he might actually use them.

Sirius must have heard it too, because when he lifted his head his eyes were cold.

“Something you’re hiding?” Peter pressed, when Sirius didn’t answer.

“What would I be hiding?” Sirius’ voice was as cold as his eyes, which were two flat grey slates, fixed intently on Peter. For once, the smaller boy didn’t shrink away from the gaze.

“You tell me.”

“Pete, that’s enough,” James said softly.

It was James’ soft tone, more than Sirius’ acidic glare that finally cowed him. Slowly, Peter lowered his gaze, sinking down sullenly, but subdued, leaving Remus to wonder what on earth had just happened.

Next to him, Sirius had his head down, hair covering his eyes and half his face, leaving Remus more blind than usual as to what he was thinking.

The arrival of the trolley cart, when the creaking of its wheels and the sound of Matilda’s steps finally entered within earshot, was thrice the relief it usually was but for once, as the train started to move, the unease in Remus’ chest wasn’t left behind with the rest of the platform.


	6. Sixth Year

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... I'm back! So, so sorry for the very very long wait, but hey - this chapter's double the length of any of the previous ones!
> 
> Thank you so very much to anyone who's stuck around, and as always, comments are appreciated!

Remus had gotten used to finding another one of the boys in the compartment when he walked in, but it was still a bit of a surprise to see Sirius there alone. He pushed down the automatic wave of panic that always came with being alone with Sirius in close quarters and took his seat as calmly as he could.

“Hey Pads,” he said. The boy looked happy; he’d moved in with the Potters last summer. It was amazing, what two months with a loving family could do for the skin.

“Hey Moony.” Sirius was rocking back and forth in his seat and swinging his legs, occasionally kicking the bottom of his own seat with a hollow _thunk_. He looked… excited? It took little to no effort on Remus’ part to imagine him wagging his tail as Padfoot. 

“What’cha smiling at?” Sirius was watching him curiously, movement stilled the way it always was when he really concentrated on something.

“Nothing,” Remus replied, too quickly to be believable. “Just…” 

For the first time since entering the compartment he allowed himself to really look at Sirius’ face, all open anticipation, and decided on a sliver of the truth. 

“Just happy to see you.”

Sirius beamed at that, so bright Remus found himself forced to look away.

“I’ve got a surprise for you.”

He didn’t bother waiting for Remus to respond. Instead, he reached down and lifted one side of his shirt, baring his torso. The panic that rushed through Remus was equivalent to the sugar rush he got after eating too much chocolate - dizzying, but he’d go through it again given the chance. 

The panic of having Sirius Black lift his shirt and show him his torso temporarily shut down Remus’ higher cognitive processes, so it took him longer than it should have to realize what Sirius was showing him.

There, right between his ribcage and the sharp line of his hip bone, was a black quarter-moon, standing in stark contrast to his otherwise pale skin.

“It’s magic, so it’ll change with the actual moon phases,” Sirius was saying. “Just so I never forget. Not that I ever will, probably, but… just in case.”

“You did this for me?” Remus’ voice, when he finally managed to gather enough brain cells to form a coherent sentence, was hoarse. 

Sirius looked almost shy, glancing down at his feet, hand still holding the corner of his shirt up. 

“Yeah.”

Remus was speechless, still staring at the ink - _permanent_ ink, that tattoo would be on Sirius’ skin _forever_ \- in awe. If he had been thinking clearly, it would occur to him that this was the one opportunity he had to stare all he wanted without arousing suspicion. But in that moment all he could see was the moon.

“Do you- do you like it?”

Sirius’ voice was soft, timid almost, and Remus tore his gaze away from the boy’s torso to look at his face. It suddenly occurred to him that what he had read as shyness might actually have been nervousness. But that wasn’t right - Sirius Black was never nervous. 

But then again, he was hardly ever shy either.

“I love it,” he whispered into the silence. _I love you_ sat at the tip of his tongue, as it had for the past six years, if he was going to be completely honest with himself. Since their first time sitting in this compartment, when Sirius had offered him his chocolate frog with the corner already peeled back.

Sirius smiled like the sun, finally letting the hem of his shirt fall, and Remus might have been imagining it but he could have sworn he looked relieved.

“I’m glad,” Sirius said after a while, voice still strangely soft. Remus looked down to avoid his eyes and found that his own hands were trembling.

The door suddenly burst open with a bang, just as the volume of the air seemed to exceed the capacity of the room. Remus looked up and tried to decide whether James Potter had the best timing in the world or the worst. Across from him, Sirius seemed to be having the same dilemma, though he still greeted his blood brother with the same enthusiasm he always did.

But in the second that James had his back to them both, Remus could have sworn he saw Sirius’ eyes flicker to his face, and in those eyes he thought he found disappointment. Disappointment and longing, the same thing he knew was sometimes written all too clearly on his own face.

He couldn’t tell if he was the one to look away first.

“Pads, you show Moony your tattoo yet?”

Sirius nodded, and James looked to Remus, almost as if for confirmation.

“Pretty cool, innit?”

“Yes,” Remus said, still looking down at his hands. _Beautiful,_ was what he wanted to say, _it’s beautiful, just like the person it’s drawn on,_ but he wisely kept his mouth shut.

Maybe James decided that Remus was tired, or just needed some space. Maybe he didn’t notice anything was wrong at all. Whatever the reason was, he didn’t inquire any further about Remus’ demeanor. Instead, he turned around and started chattering excitedly to Sirius about an improvement he had in mind for the map, one which he would need Sirius’ skill in charms to realize. Something about getting the map to insult strangers who tried to open it.

He left James and Sirius to their gilded visions and leaned back until his head hit the wall behind him. He really _was_ tired; the last two full moons had been unusually rough ones. He was growing too reliant on having the three animagi with him during transformations - he’d started to forget how to go through them alone.

It wasn’t something he could afford to forget. It was a survival skill - one he’d patiently developed through excruciating months alone with the wolf, and while he didn’t need to remember the skill during the school months it was past time to remember that there was a life beyond Hogwarts.

At least, there was a life beyond Hogwarts for the rest of the boys.

He’d stopped by McGonagall’s office one day between potions and charms, some time during the fall of their fifth year. It had been a full year before they even needed to choose their NEWT subjects, and yet Professor McGonagall hadn’t looked a bit surprised to see him in her office.

_“Mr. Lupin.” McGonagall greeted him for all intents and purposes like he’d make an appointment a fortnight in advance. “Please, come in and take a seat.”_

_Remus followed her into her office and took the seat she offered him, by the fireplace with a table and wizarding chess board in the space in front of him._

_“I take it you’re here to discuss the NEWTs?”_

_“Yes.” Remus swallowed, eyes fixed on the black knight in front of him instead of his professor. It was early to be thinking of NEWTs, he knew that, especially considering they hadn’t even taken the OWLs yet. But he could get the scores needed to qualify him for the NEWTs, he knew he could. He just needed to know-_

_“I assume you wish to know whether it is necessary you take the exams at all?”_

_Remus tried and failed not to flinch. It wasn’t that she was wrong. It was just something about the way she phrased it, something that knocked the wind out of him. Something that made him think he already knew the answer to the question he hadn’t even asked yet._

_“Mr. Lupin, why don’t you begin by telling me the kind of career you wish to pursue?”_

_Right. Right. He could do that._

_“Um, I was thinking perhaps an auror.” It was what Sirius wanted to be, and being near or at the top of his class in almost all of his subjects as he was, Remus saw no reason why he should have to settle for anything less. In fact, despite his general reputation for slacking in classes, Sirius was most likely one of the top students of their grade; beaten only by Remus._

_“I have the grades for it,” he added, before McGonagall’s silence could stretch on for too long. And I know how rigorous the training program is, but I’m willing to try-”_

_“You would succeed,” she interrupted, before Remus could embarrass himself any further. “I have no doubt of that, Mr. Lupin.”_

_He sat there for a moment, letting that sink in._

_“But,” he said eventually, finally bringing himself to make eye contact with the professor. “I mean, I’m assuming there’s a but at the end of that sentence.”_

_“Yes,” McGonagall said, and Remus could have sworn she looked almost sad._

_“There is no easy way to say this, Mr. Lupin, so I will spare you the pitiful attempt. Your academic performance is excellent, always has been, and there is nothing lacking in your character that would make you unsuitable for the task of an auror. But the examinations that the Ministry performs when searching for potential candidates is thorough. It would be impossible to keep the truth of your condition a secret, and it would be equally impossible for the Ministry to select you for the position once they know the truth.”_

_The black knight was out of alignment with the rest of the pieces on the board, looking almost straight at him. It appeared to be frowning._

_“I see.” he said. “So what you’re saying is that despite Dumbledore’s generosity in allowing me an education here at Hogwarts, there is nothing that I can do with said education, because there isn’t a sane institute in the world who would hire a monster like me.”_

_His words were harsh, too harsh, he knew, but he couldn’t find the will to gentle them. McGonagall made no attempt to protest, and made no move to stop him as he rose stiffly from his seat._

_“Thank you, professor,” he said. “This has been very informative.”_

_He was almost to the door when he heard her speak._

_“Mr. Lu- Remus.” He didn’t turn around, because he already had a hand on the door, and he didn’t want her to see the tears gathered at the corners of his eyes._

_“I am sorry. I truly am.”_

_He nodded, and opened the door._

_“Thank you, professor,” he said again._

A soft kick to his shin knocked him out of his reverie, and he looked up to see Sirius watching him with concerned eyes.

“Tired?”

“You are looking a bit pale, mate,” James added. 

Remus nodded his affirmation but didn’t elaborate. James kept his eyes on him for a little longer then turned back to his discussion with Sirius, but those grey eyes remained fixed on him, even as Sirius nodded along to whatever James was saying. Remus tried not to squirm. Having Sirius’ attention fixed on you was generally an exhilarating experience, and had made more than a few upper year students blush, but here it was more uncomfortable than flattering.

He’d come to learn last year from an illicitly drunk James Potter that it had actually been Sirius who had solved the mystery of his monthly disappearances. Although that had been his biggest secret, it was far from his only one. 

And this one… he didn’t know what he’d do if Sirius ever found out how he felt about him. 

When he looked up again Sirius was no longer watching him, attention turned instead to James, who seemed to be on the verge of hyperventilating with his excitement. 

“The spell we need will probably be in the restricted section, but we should be able to find it, no problem-”

Remus willed himself to stop listening before Sirius could complete that sentence, just to give himself a pitiful scrap of plausible deniability.

He leaned back in his seat and let his mind and eyes drift, eventually landing on the empty seat next to Sirius. 

For the briefest moment, he wondered if Peter had decided to ride in another compartment. Over the course of the last year, the tensions that had always seemed to exist beneath Sirius and Peter’s relationship had started to surface more frequently, even though James or Remus was always able to cool the two boys down before anything could escalate.

Perhaps, Peter finally decided he’d had enough.

But no, that thought was absurd. All friends fought, even James and Sirius. They always made up afterwards, and Sirius always tried extra hard to include Peter in jokes or conversations the next day. Things were fine.

_And,_ a little voice in the back of his head added, _it’s not like Peter has any other friends._

He pushed that thought away as quickly as he could, and just as soon as he did, the door of the compartment was sliding open and Peter was stumbling in, hair a mess from the wind.

“Sorry I’m late,” he gasped, hands flying to his hair to try and force the stray strands into some semblance of order.

“Did I miss anything important?”

Sirius smiled at him and moved to the right to give him some more space. 

“No, nothing important. James has got some new ideas for the map, but we’re going to have to obtain access to some… ah, restricted materials for it, so we’ll fill you in sometime when Remus isn’t here so he doesn’t have to suffer through an ethical crisis.” Sirius glanced at Remus with a quick smirk, and Remus smiled back with a fond roll of his eyes.

Peter grinned at Sirius, who smiled back and reached up to ruffle his hair, messing it up all over again, and all of the tensions of the past school year seemed to melt away.

This. This was the space where their lives converged. Not platform 9 and ¾, where they were still distinct, separate entities, coming from different families and different lives, and not Hogwarts, where differing schedules occasionally separated them and where there was always the outside world to take notice of, but this - this tiny rectangular compartment at the very back of the Hogwarts Express, this was where they came together, where the rest of the world fell away like the fleeting glimpses of trees in the window, where names like ‘Black’ and ‘Potter’ and ‘Werewolf’ and even ‘Gryffindor’ lost their meaning, where all they were was Messrs Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs.

James smiled to see Sirius and Peter getting along, and Remus could see his own joy reflected in the eyes of all three of his friends.

The smile that came to him didn’t leave his face for the rest of the ride.


End file.
